


Dine and Dash

by bluegraywilde



Series: Adventures of Cat and the Doctor [1]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-26
Updated: 2018-02-26
Packaged: 2019-03-24 10:00:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13808850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluegraywilde/pseuds/bluegraywilde
Summary: Cat Donoghue is living her perfectly ordinary life before running into a mad man on the street. Who the hell does this Doctor fellow think he is?Hijinks ensue.Inspired by a prompt from gingerchangeling





	Dine and Dash

**Author's Note:**

  * For [gingerchangeling](https://archiveofourown.org/users/gingerchangeling/gifts).



        The matchstick man stood before her, all thin lines and sharp bony angles. _He could stand to put on some weight, liable to float away in a gust of wind._ She chuckled at the thought of him blown away like Mary Poppins without the umbrella. 

        He wore a tacky pinstripe suit that heightened the rail thin effect under a long brown trench coat that read more man of action than pervert. Although whatever phallic whirring toy he was playing with didn’t reassure her too much on that count.

         She did concede he had nice hair. Prominent side-burns that screamed Victoriana mixed with some spiky gelled hair that had been trendy maybe ten years ago. _Get it together girl. Focus less on the thirst and more on the fact a complete stranger is looking at you like your some bug eyed alien._

         He turned the device in his hand on her, nimbly scanning her from head to toe, muttering under his breath something about huon particles and not again and some disparaging remark about gingers always causing trouble. _Oh, he hasn’t seen anything yet._

         “Oi can you not with the vibrator?” Cat swatted at the buzzing. “There’s this nifty little concept called personal space, look it up sometime.”

         The man paused. “Wait, what?” _Oh he’s British, didn’t expect that._ “You think this is a vibrator?” He flipped it in his hand a few times. “It happens to be a scientific instrument.” On one final flip he dramatically snatched it out of the air. Evidently proud of himself he declared. “The sonic screwdriver.” His toothy grin was slap worthy.

         Cat eyed him warily. “Mate, I’m thinking you’re the only one here with screws loose. Kindly turn that thingy on yourself and leave me alone.”

         She turned to stomp away, fuming at his audacity _. Men are exhausting._

“Wait up!” She didn’t know why she paused and cast a glance back at the ridiculous figure jogging after her, but she did. _This is probably a mistake._

          He flashed a leather bound piece of paper at her. “John Smith, health inspector at the Department of Health and Human Services. Just need to ask you a few questions.”

          Cat frowned. She did a brief double take to make sure given how confident he sounded. But no she was right. “Hate to break it to you. But that’s a blank piece of paper. Might want to get your eyes checked.”

          On cue he broke out a pair of thick black specs and eyed the paper suspiciously. Cat noted his confusion with just a hint of satisfaction.

          “Oh wow, brilliant.” His whole face lit up. “Well would you look at that. It is blank. Doesn’t do that for many people. I mean every so often you meet a William Shakespeare who can see through psychic paper. But it tends to fool most people.” _Blank credentials fooling the masses, actually yeah I’d believe it._

           “Lovely chap Will, I should probably check on him. Good Queen Bess be damned. Nah he’d just be disappointed I’m not accompanied by his ‘Dark Lady’” He frowned for a moment, but then cackled. “Well on second thought…”   _Definitely just broke out of Bedlam._

           Cat cleared her throat. “Sorry am I interrupting?”

           “Sorry about that. Tend to be easily distracted. There is more to see than can ever be seen, more to do… wait a second, I’ve done that one already.”

           Cat had to chuckle. “Quoting the Lion King… really?”

           Scratching the back of his head, the sheepish grin answered, “Yeah well bad habit. Thought I’d kicked it, but they apparently die hard.”

           He wheeled back his full attention on her, “But you, you really are something special.” _Said every creep ever._

           “Yeah tell me something I don’t know. Hope your lil scam works on someone else.”

           Walking away _~again~_ she called back as a parting shot, “Might help if you go for another alias. John Smith sounds beyond fake. Like some alien thinking that combining the two most generic English names possible makes for an inconspicuous cover.”

_Don’t look back this time. He doesn’t need any encouragement._

           Yet he materialized next to her anyway. _Some people can’t take a hint._

           “Fine you got me. Name’s the Doctor.” Said with the same easy confidence as his health inspector shtick.

           Cat raised an eyebrow, but refused to break her stride. “Really? You’ve got to be kidding me. Doctor who?”

           He just laughed. “I’m the one and only genuine article.” The shit eating grin was back and as insufferable as it was charming.

           Cat sighed. _Why do I always attract the weirdos? I must have a big glowing cosmic Kick Me sign on my back._ “I get that people are proud of their doctorates and all, but you take that particular compulsion to the next level.”

           He shrugged as if he’d heard worse. “How’d you feel about dinner? You, me, best restaurant in town. I’m paying.”

           With a flourish he pointed the sonic screwdriver at an ATM which sputtered out a sea of greenbacks. A crowd soon formed to pick over the scattering scraps, while he snatched a suitably large handful and pocketed it into that trench coat of his.

           “Slow your roll Robin Hood.” One hand stopped him from grabbing more cash, while the other carefully nicked a couple spare bills.

           “And no me referencing Robin Hood is not an excuse to start spinning some tale about how the two of you are best mates.”

           “Oh don’t be ridiculous, he’s fiction.” _Yes because I’m the one talking nonsense here._ “Actually come to think of it, I’ve never actually checked. Should add him to my to-do list.” _In more ways than one._

           “Maybe you should take him and his Merry Men out to dinner. From what I’ve seen, not especially interested.”

           “Oh no I didn’t mean it like that. Not that you don’t have your charms of course. Some of my best mates are humans,” _He says it like he’s not one._  “But I don’t generally get involved romantically. Well there was this one girl a while back.”

           “Let me guess she was blonde.” _Men are so predictable._

           “Yes actually, not that it matters. She’s gone now, they all leave one way or another in the end.” _Emo cry in some rain why don’t you._

           Cat weighed her options. _He’s strange, even by the most eccentric standards._ But her bank account was as empty as her love life. _Damn that self-burn._ And restaurant fare sounded better than the ramen packets waiting at her apartment.

           “Looks like you’ve found yourself a dining companion, Mr. Smith.” She refused to call him the Doctor and feed into the evident megalomania. _As far as I can tell far too many people let him coast on his charms._

           “Oh, okay. Most people tend to just go with Doctor.” For a moment it looked like the name dig landed precisely on its target. _Hard to miss that ego._

           Unfortunately his default good cheer resumed almost immediately. “But Mr. Smith works too. Love myself a good Smith.”

           He offered his hand, a smile plastered to his face. “Allons y…” He fell silent for a beat, the gears in his brain visibly moving. “I’ve just realized I never asked you for your name. Rather rude of me.”

 _I 'll give him a taste of his own medicine._ Summoning the most ominous voice in her arsenal, from when she played Hannibal Lecter in high school that one time, she declared, “They call me the Master.” The horrified shock that consumed his face was priceless.

           His coloring still decidedly ashen, he sputtered out, “J- Just. Just no. I really don’t have time to explain to you in excruciating detail how wrong that sentence was _._ So could you not?” _Touchy, touchy. Me thinks he has a kinky ex._

           “Fine. My name’s Cat. Cat Donoghue.” She didn’t quite know why she was being transparent while he still hid behind that ridiculous title. But she was starting to like him a bit against her better judgment.

           “Well then. Allons y Cat Donoghue!”

           And on they went. Crisscrossing LA, hitting up all the ridiculous tourist traps she typically avoided like the plague. Hollywood, the La Brea Tar Pits, the Santa Monica Pier, Venice Beach. The afternoon light fading into twilight. The sunset, bleeding an array of gold, orange, and crimson, reflected on the turquoise sea.

           Glancing sideways at her still decidedly odd companion, Cat said, “I think I was promised a fancy dinner out of all this.”

           “That you were. Let’s get on that. Shall we?” He held out his hand and she grasped it.

           Cat felt woefully under-dressed in the restaurant, some Michelin starred affair that had a waiting list measured in years instead of hours. Somehow a worn flannel under a red leather jacket and black jeans didn’t seem to cut it. Not that he looked the part in his ridiculous get up either.

           But the psychic paper worked its magic. _I should probably try to nick it later. Lots of uses for that._ A table for two on the rooftop terrace for Sir Doctor of TARDIS and Dame Catherine of Westchester. They got only the best treatment from their networking hostess, who probably assumed they were either famous or somehow related to royalty and taking no chances.

           Picking over the bones of her entree, Cat eyed the Doctor, “This day has been lovely and all. But I’ve a question for you Doctor. Why me?”

           “Oh brilliant.” He broke out the goofy grin that Cat finally had decided landed more in the endearing rather than irritating column. Although this moment was testing her resolve.

           “What’s with the Joker smile? Something in my teeth?”

           He sniggered. “Oh nothing like that. Just the first time all day you actually called me the Doctor.” _Damn it there goes my streak._  

           “But to answer your question with another. Can’t a stranger just do a nice thing on a whim, paying it forward and all that?”

           She narrowed her eyes, smelling bullshit. “Not in my experience, especially if they start with some aggressive invasions of personal space and what amounts to probing with a loud metal rod.”

           The Doctor cringed. “Can you not use the word probe?”

_Could’ve diffused the whole situation if he apologized right then and there. The smart ones are always dumb where it counts._

           Cat’s inner snark took the wheel. “Oh, I’m soooorrrrry. Did I hurt the little guy’s feelings?”

            “Huon particles.”

            A waiter appeared in the corner of her eye. “I’m good, thanks.” Turning her full attention back on the Doctor. “I’m gonna need more than that sunshine.”

            “Ancient form of energy. Billions and billions of years old. From the Dark Times. The Racnoss- big spider people- used it to feed their young. There was plot, but I stopped them. They burned. And they drowned. The whole Thames emptied out.”

            He must’ve noticed her blank expression because he went on. “Any of this ringing bell? That one Christmas with the big floating web-star in the air above London?”

            Cat shook her head. “I’m American. Do you really think we’d notice if suddenly the whole British Isles sank to the bottom of the Atlantic?”

            Before he could respond to her jibe, she held up a finger, “One sec.”

            A quick web search on her phone confirmed his story. “Oh that’s why I don’t remember, that was like ten plus years ago. Alien invasions have become so routine lately, and they’ve been overshadowed by a certain tangerine toddler in the White House.”

            “It’s what 2017, 2018?”

            She nodded.

            He groaned. “Ugh. That’s odd, I usually avoid Earth during this time period for that very reason. All eyes and ears are trained on the ravings of an idiot. Sucks up all the oxygen for fun in the margins. Why’d the old girl steer me here?”

            Cat was irritated to sense the waiter was still standing there. “We’re fine right now. You can serve somebody else.”

            “And what do you mean avoid this time period? And why are huon particles suddenly so relevant again?”

            “Ah you see I dabble in time travel. Well less dabble, more the resident expert. Usually just pass through. Occasionally trouble finds me and I do some quick problem solving and the like.” _Yeah I was right on the mark with that first impression. He’s bloody mad._

            “And the reason I noticed you in the first place. You’ve somehow ingested huon particles.” Seeing her make a face, he added, “Don’t worry in low doses they’re not toxic.” _Yes because the best way to calm someone down is tell them not to worry._

“At first, I was just going to do a cursory investigation. But then you started to remind me of an old friend.” His voice cracked. “I’ve been traveling alone since she left. Well forced to leave. All of time and space gets a bit lonely traveling solo.”

            “I…” Cat cut off when the waiter suddenly grabbed at her. Self-defense training kicked in and she fell forward, kicking back the chair as she hit the floor to throw him off his balance.

            Scrambling forward toward the Doctor, she turned to see what she thought was a server was actually some kind of robot. A golden mask with big black eye shapes and no mouth. _Okay wow, could’ve been more observant there._ Then she noticed it dropping a plastic mask to the ground. _That would explain it, guess I don’t need my vision checked._

            The Doctor leapt to his feet, sonic screwdriver pointed at the machine. _Fat lot of good that will do, he might as well have a water pistol. On second thought…_

            “Care to explain the tin man over there?” she called at him. The creature was eerily still, evidently waiting for something to happen.

            “Roboform. They’re like pilot fish. Little scavengers following in the wake of the shark, picking up the leavings. Last I saw them they were cannon fodder for the Empress of the Racnoss. Judging from this one’s appearance, he’s a survivor of the battle at the Thames Barrier.”

            Cat glanced back at the still robot, noticing all the signs of decay and disrepair she hadn’t with the initial shock. The golden mask was chipping at the edges, patches of corrosion eating away at the sheen. _Probably explains its holding pattern, conserving as much of its power as possible._

            “But that doesn’t make sense. What the hell has it been doing since? Why’d it end up half the world away?”

            “Cat, it’s after you, following its last orders, to collect the girl with the huon particles. Get of here, run!”

            Cat hesitated. _It looks more ready for the scrapyard instead of a rumble but still..._ “Doctor, what about you?”

            He smiled. _A sadder smile than he intended._ “It’s my day job, remember? A rusting husk can’t touch me. And you’re a lot more breakable than me.”

            “Pfft, as if I’d just leave you to deal with it by yourself. And if it’s such a rusting husk, then there should be no trouble dumping it in the junkyard so we can resume…” _Our date._ “Dinner. We never got that desert menu.”

            “Cat, have you noticed that we’re the only ones who reacted to the roboform on this whole floor?”

            The realization hit her like a bolt from the blue. She looked around at the other patrons and noticed the shuttering sound they made as all heads turned on her. _It’s LA, their plastic looking faces would never stand out._ The masks slipped off revealing an army of roboforms, all in varying states of repair.

            All stood at attention and began marching at the Doctor and her. Well less marching, more stumbling around like drunks after happy hour. _They’re like zombies. Sci-fi robot zombies._

            The Doctor gripped Cat’s hand. She appreciated that he didn’t seem to mind the shaking even as she resented his presumption that he could.

            “Do you take suggestions? Because maybe you should do a little clean-up post big epic sci-fi battles. Less of a chance that the leftovers will cause trouble in the future.”

            “Where’s the fun in that?” The cheeky grin was back. _I could slap him._ She promised herself she would if they got out of this alive.

            “Would appreciate if you had a plan beyond running. Haven’t really kept up with my cardio lately. Scratch that. Please just tell me you have a plan.”

             They were surrounded. The narrow path to the fire exit shrinking by the second.

             “Actually yes, yes I do.” He pointed the sonic screwdriver at her. _I’m not the enemy, but whatever._

             Whatever sound it began emitting spoke to something within her. _The huon particles!_ She stared down at her hands as they began glowing gold, emitting particles of light. Her first thought was how pretty the little display was. And then she wanted to scream. _It feels like my blood is boiling… or freezing. Both at once. It hurts. Oh god it hurts._

             Their surroundings changed in an instant. Giant bronze walls mixed in with organic wooden growths. A central glass pillar plowed into what she thought was some kind of console. The weirdest damn console she ever saw, bits and bobs thrown together haphazardly. She thought she even spotted a typewriter. _Can I redesign this thing… like now?_

 _First things first._ “Doctor what did you do? Where the hell are we?” She let a little of her rage into her voice.

            “Like it? It’s my ship the TARDIS, time and relative dimension in space.” He listed off the acronym with a practiced ease. _This isn’t his first tour._

            “Still has some stray huon particles in her heart. Resonated the particles inside of you with the ones in the TARDIS to summon her. The roboforms are still outside, but don’t worry not even the assembled hordes of Genghis Khan could get through those doors.”

            Compared to the sci-fi weirdness and grandeur of the central chamber, the doors looked awfully plain, which only made Cat trust them less.

            She slapped him. And it felt oh so good. “Couldn’t have explained that before you did it. Would’ve appreciated the heads up. That’s the most pain I’ve ever experienced and I’m a woman and a ginger!”

            “Yes, yes you are. Rather jealous of you there. Been waiting on a chance to be ginger.” _And per usual he jumps on a new topic._

            He was fiddling around with bits of the console, which was increasingly looking like a glorified toy for someone with attention problems.

            “You’ve heard of hair dye, right?” Looking at his quiff, she declared, “You certainly don’t seem scared of hair product.”

            “Nah, that’s just far too much work. Regeneration is a lottery. Bound to land in my favor eventually.”

            “Yeah I don’t even want to know.” She was tired of asking questions. _I wonder if the only reason he interacts with normal people is to have an audience to listen to him monologue or ask questions._

            She slumped on the floor. _Your move, Doctor._

            After a heartbeat of silence, he broke. _That was quick._ “Aren’t you the least bit curious for my plan to defeat the roboforms?” _He’s like a sad puppy waiting for a treat._

            “Fine, I’ll bite. What’s your plan, Doctor?”

            “Electro-magnetic pulse. Will knock them right out. Along with most of the power in Western LA. But I think Angelenos will make do.”

            “No they’ll bitch and moan to the high heavens, but that’s pretty typical so go ahead.”

            “Molto bene.” She resisted the urge to roll her eyes. _I get it, you’re cosmopolitan._

            The Doctor flipped a final switch after messing with some knobs. Cat was half-expecting some kind of visible sign, a flash of light, some movement of air or something. But it was some kind of invisible magic trick. _Give or take my hair standing up._

            The Doctor dashed from the console to the double doors. Opening one, he gestured at Cat to join him. “Shall we?”

            “We shall.” Cat stepped out of the TARDIS first. She turned to look at it, curious how such a big ship had materialized on the terrace. Instead she saw some kind of blue phone box that said police.

            “Huh would you look at that, it’s smaller on the outside.” _Less sci-fi, definitely something out of Alice in Wonderland._

            He chuckled as he leaned against the doorframe. “Not the usual response, I’ll grant you that. But most people start on the outside and then get invited in. I suppose it’s much more impressive that way round.”

            Looking past the Doctor at the interior to confirm the truth of her senses, Cat was seized by a sort of wonder she thought had long been snuffed out by the drudgery of everyday life. _Wouldn’t be too sure about that._

            “So I’m guessing this is your time machine.” Cat wasn’t quite sure why she believed it could travel in time, but that dimensional trickery involved in was pretty compelling evidence. _If it breaks the known laws of space, why not those of time?_

            He nodded. “Longest companion I’ve had through all these years. All of time and space at the push of button… or three with some knob twisting and switch throwing in there too.”

            It was everything Cat had dreamed of and more. So much time spent in the other worlds created in her head or by others. This was her chance to experience that for real.

            “Is this the part where I get invited on board?”

            The Doctor looked on with a sad smile. _No this is the part where he lets me down easy._ “I can’t. Not anymore. I’ve lost too many friends. Not dead mind you. They keep on living their lives. Their perfectly human lives. They move on and break my hearts.” _Interesting choice of word there._

Despite choking up, he plowed on. “As it should be. But I’m too old for that life anymore. Cat you’d be among the best, which only makes it harder to say yes. No more. I can’t.”

            It was Cat’s turn for a sad smile. “I’ve been there Doctor. The old relationships that just fray at the edges and then unwind through the fault of no one. But there’s only more heartbreak for those who build walls around themselves. Endings and loss are the most human of things. The joys of life are created because of them, not in spite of them. Otherwise they’d not be nearly as precious.”

            The Doctor looked speechless. _Finally I thought he’d never shut up._ “I’m not saying it has to be me. But flying solo isn’t a good look on you.”

            “I’ll take that under consideration.” They both knew he wouldn’t. But Cat liked to pretend he’d learn his lesson before something truly soul-crushingly bad would happen.

            “Well then, I guess this is goodbye.”

            “Oh don’t be so sure of that. All of time and space, plenty of opportunities to run into you again Cat Donoghue.” _Or none at all._

She was tempted to walk away then and there. But there was one last final question. “Where to next?”

            He grinned ear to ear. “I rather like the idea of Mars. Haven’t given the red planet a proper visit in ages. It’s usually Earth this or Earth that. Humans have a knack for getting into all sorts of trouble.”

            “Say hi to the little green men for me.”

            “Well they’re not so little. And they usually like being referred to as the Ice Warriors. But I’ll be sure to pass along the greeting from Dame Catherine of Westchester. They’ll be very flattered.”

            _He’s completely and utterly bonkers. Oh I’m going to miss you Doctor._ “Well then you better get on that. Time waits for no man.”

            “Or Time Lord.” _Not pretentious at all then._ He smiled and Cat sighed. “See you around Cat Donoghue.”

            “See you around Doctor.”

            He shut the door. There was a wheezing, groaning sound and suddenly the TARDIS began dematerializing into thin air. He was gone like he’d never been there. _Except in my memories. One final magic trick._

Cat stood there for a heartbeat, looking around at the floor littered with roboforms. Collecting herself, she walked out of the restaurant and onto the street, melting away into the anonymity of the crowd, wondering who’d she run into next. 


End file.
